A Search for the Resolution

There’s a lot that I don’t know
There’s a lot that I’m still learning
But I think I’m letting go
To find my body, it’s still burning

Yeah, I just need light
Light in the dark as I search for the resolution
The Resolution, Jack’s Mannequin

I don’t know if I believe in the concept of a mid-life crisis. The phenomenon of a person suddenly finding discontentment in one or many aspects of their life. It has always seemed to me that the unhappiness must have always been there, and, at least on some level, the person must have always been aware.

But at the end of July of this past year, a strange phenomenon struck me. I don’t know that I would call it a mid-life crisis, because, as I said, I don’t believe in them. But I did experience a sudden change in self—or a change in the person that I am.

I no longer found contentment in the activities that I previously found enjoyment—things like cooking and scrapbooking. Those who know me best know that these activities brought me peace and joy in my little world. But right now, I have no inclination for the trial, testing and perfection of new recipes. I don't have patience for scrapbooking, for cutting out and pasting of pictures and paper.

I found that I could no longer watch television. I get twitchy and nervous. I went from watching hours a day, to maybe an average of a couple hours a week. I, who have a very extensive movie collection (700+ titles at last count), no longer have the patience for movies. I actually have to give myself a ‘pep-talk’ before sitting down to watch one, or going to one. Even some of my most favorite holidays—Halloween and Christmas—held no excitement or thrill for me; a fact that both perplexed and annoyed my family.

At the same time, I have become oddly attached to my iPOD. Again, a fact that confuses and irritates my family. Primarily because with headphones in nearly all day, I am impossible to reach. And, I get annoyed when they startle me (although, annoyed is probably an understatement. Despite all my changes, my temper seems to be in full flow...).

Strangely, I have never been more content with who I am. I know that I am not the person I was 6 months ago, and my family can attest to this fact. I’m not completely sure who I am, and I don’t quite know where I’m going. But, for probably the first time in my life, I’m happy; and therefore, okay with my lack of knowledge. If there is a plan for me, I’ll find it, I’ll be led there, and I’ll be okay.

Consider it a mental re-birth, perhaps...

Yeah, I’m alive
I don’t need a witness
To know that I survived
I’m not looking for forgiveness

Yeah, I just need light
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution

Gotta Love my Utes!!

A local sports radio station has two personalities that make a bet on the outcome of the Utah-BYU game. The loser this year, was to dress as a cheerleader and read a poem of love to the winning team. Here is a link to the outcome of this years bet: (a transcript of the poem follows)



http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1507785325?bclid=1704093378&bctid=4147187001



Dear Mr. coach Kyle Whittingham,
I must say you are one attractive man

I couldn’t wait for my moment here
To read this poem and sing you this cheer

I wish, oh, I wish that I’d been a ute
As for forever in the future a ute I will route

And I know with defensive linemen like Kruger, Misi and Newman I’d never get to start
But, hey, at least I’d never have to claim that the Team Down South is my counterpart

A quest for perfection is what we were fed from the beginning
Thanks to you Utes we’ll soon be forgetting

Total domination and a far superior program
Do you think there’s a spot on the coaching staff for me Mr. Whittingham.

I could clean the toilets, I could wash the socks,
But you’d have to put in surveillance because I meander through players jocks.

I could vacuum the floors, and get your food and drink
Oh, please, coach Whittingham, what do you think?

The University of Utah is the best ever
A BCS bowl berth our team down south has never

An 84 championship with a huge asterisk beside
No asterisk here for the Utes on their second ride

Utah’s athletes are better, year in and year out
The Ute coaches too, without a doubt

Once again the team down south got out-done
Hey, Max Hall, I heard Kruger’s still open

Putting our pathetic program down south in tears
A BCS bowl berth with likely never be,
the future of our program trickles to see,
So I come here today to beg and plead
And I express that forever red I will bleed,
As I admire and envy all of you,
I want to be on your side as we watch the team down south program fall
Read my mouth, I truly hate the team down south

What kind of name is Jan?

Twelve and Oh, is what you are
One of the best in the country by far

Enjoy this dominance, enjoy the feel,
Six turnovers by Hall, ha-ha, you defeated his will.

I wish you all the best as you go to the BCS
And fulfill what the team down south couldn’t, that being the quest

Represent our state, represent our conference with pride
And demolish those SEC pansies of the Crimson Tide

From your newest and dearest fanatic fan
I have a man-crush on all of you, sincerely Hans.

Minute

I only have a minute,

only sixty seconds in it,

forced upon me,

can't refuse it,

didn't seek it,

didn't choose it,

but it's up to me to use it,

it's just a tiny little minute

yet all eternity is in it.

Caramel Apple Pie

Fall is the time of year for my favorite pie. It is my infamous Caramel Apple Pie. Each pie is made with apples I’ve grown myself—Golden Delicious apples from my little tree. I carefully cut leaves out of pie crust dough to edge the pie rim and to adorn the top. Every year I make more and more of these yummy pies. This year I made eight of them. They were dispersed (some of them still warm) to the lucky few individuals who get to partake of my efforts. Then I put everything away, and thank my lucky stars that I only get the craving to make these once a year. Seriously, what was I thinking?

The Great Pumpkin!

So my pumpkin patch was very fruitful this year. Every pumpkin in this picture was grown by my own two green-hands (you know, instead of green-thumbs…). In addition to these pictures, there were half-a-dozen that were two big for me to move, plus a few given to neighbor kids. I don’t know what I’m going to do with them all, but for now, they are chilling in my yard.