A Search for the Resolution

There’s a lot that I don’t know
There’s a lot that I’m still learning
But I think I’m letting go
To find my body, it’s still burning

Yeah, I just need light
Light in the dark as I search for the resolution
The Resolution, Jack’s Mannequin

I don’t know if I believe in the concept of a mid-life crisis. The phenomenon of a person suddenly finding discontentment in one or many aspects of their life. It has always seemed to me that the unhappiness must have always been there, and, at least on some level, the person must have always been aware.

But at the end of July of this past year, a strange phenomenon struck me. I don’t know that I would call it a mid-life crisis, because, as I said, I don’t believe in them. But I did experience a sudden change in self—or a change in the person that I am.

I no longer found contentment in the activities that I previously found enjoyment—things like cooking and scrapbooking. Those who know me best know that these activities brought me peace and joy in my little world. But right now, I have no inclination for the trial, testing and perfection of new recipes. I don't have patience for scrapbooking, for cutting out and pasting of pictures and paper.

I found that I could no longer watch television. I get twitchy and nervous. I went from watching hours a day, to maybe an average of a couple hours a week. I, who have a very extensive movie collection (700+ titles at last count), no longer have the patience for movies. I actually have to give myself a ‘pep-talk’ before sitting down to watch one, or going to one. Even some of my most favorite holidays—Halloween and Christmas—held no excitement or thrill for me; a fact that both perplexed and annoyed my family.

At the same time, I have become oddly attached to my iPOD. Again, a fact that confuses and irritates my family. Primarily because with headphones in nearly all day, I am impossible to reach. And, I get annoyed when they startle me (although, annoyed is probably an understatement. Despite all my changes, my temper seems to be in full flow...).

Strangely, I have never been more content with who I am. I know that I am not the person I was 6 months ago, and my family can attest to this fact. I’m not completely sure who I am, and I don’t quite know where I’m going. But, for probably the first time in my life, I’m happy; and therefore, okay with my lack of knowledge. If there is a plan for me, I’ll find it, I’ll be led there, and I’ll be okay.

Consider it a mental re-birth, perhaps...

Yeah, I’m alive
I don’t need a witness
To know that I survived
I’m not looking for forgiveness

Yeah, I just need light
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution

Gotta Love my Utes!!

A local sports radio station has two personalities that make a bet on the outcome of the Utah-BYU game. The loser this year, was to dress as a cheerleader and read a poem of love to the winning team. Here is a link to the outcome of this years bet: (a transcript of the poem follows)



http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1507785325?bclid=1704093378&bctid=4147187001



Dear Mr. coach Kyle Whittingham,
I must say you are one attractive man

I couldn’t wait for my moment here
To read this poem and sing you this cheer

I wish, oh, I wish that I’d been a ute
As for forever in the future a ute I will route

And I know with defensive linemen like Kruger, Misi and Newman I’d never get to start
But, hey, at least I’d never have to claim that the Team Down South is my counterpart

A quest for perfection is what we were fed from the beginning
Thanks to you Utes we’ll soon be forgetting

Total domination and a far superior program
Do you think there’s a spot on the coaching staff for me Mr. Whittingham.

I could clean the toilets, I could wash the socks,
But you’d have to put in surveillance because I meander through players jocks.

I could vacuum the floors, and get your food and drink
Oh, please, coach Whittingham, what do you think?

The University of Utah is the best ever
A BCS bowl berth our team down south has never

An 84 championship with a huge asterisk beside
No asterisk here for the Utes on their second ride

Utah’s athletes are better, year in and year out
The Ute coaches too, without a doubt

Once again the team down south got out-done
Hey, Max Hall, I heard Kruger’s still open

Putting our pathetic program down south in tears
A BCS bowl berth with likely never be,
the future of our program trickles to see,
So I come here today to beg and plead
And I express that forever red I will bleed,
As I admire and envy all of you,
I want to be on your side as we watch the team down south program fall
Read my mouth, I truly hate the team down south

What kind of name is Jan?

Twelve and Oh, is what you are
One of the best in the country by far

Enjoy this dominance, enjoy the feel,
Six turnovers by Hall, ha-ha, you defeated his will.

I wish you all the best as you go to the BCS
And fulfill what the team down south couldn’t, that being the quest

Represent our state, represent our conference with pride
And demolish those SEC pansies of the Crimson Tide

From your newest and dearest fanatic fan
I have a man-crush on all of you, sincerely Hans.

Minute

I only have a minute,

only sixty seconds in it,

forced upon me,

can't refuse it,

didn't seek it,

didn't choose it,

but it's up to me to use it,

it's just a tiny little minute

yet all eternity is in it.

Caramel Apple Pie

Fall is the time of year for my favorite pie. It is my infamous Caramel Apple Pie. Each pie is made with apples I’ve grown myself—Golden Delicious apples from my little tree. I carefully cut leaves out of pie crust dough to edge the pie rim and to adorn the top. Every year I make more and more of these yummy pies. This year I made eight of them. They were dispersed (some of them still warm) to the lucky few individuals who get to partake of my efforts. Then I put everything away, and thank my lucky stars that I only get the craving to make these once a year. Seriously, what was I thinking?

The Great Pumpkin!

So my pumpkin patch was very fruitful this year. Every pumpkin in this picture was grown by my own two green-hands (you know, instead of green-thumbs…). In addition to these pictures, there were half-a-dozen that were two big for me to move, plus a few given to neighbor kids. I don’t know what I’m going to do with them all, but for now, they are chilling in my yard.

The Red Queen Hypothesis

Lewis Carroll wrote “Through the Looking Glass” in 1872, a sequel to “Alice in Wonderland.” In chapter 2, Alice finds herself walking along with the Red Queen. They move through a valley and then up a hill. At the top of the hill, the Red Queen begins to run, faster and faster. Alice runs after the Red Queen, but is further perplexed to find that neither one seems to be moving. When they stop running, they are in exactly the same place. Alice remarks on this, to which the Red Queen responds: "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do to keep in the same place".

This led to the development of a scientific principle with regards to co-evolution – evolution between predator and prey. The theory is that each evolves as quickly as possible, only to remain where they are.

Recently, I have taken this hypothesis into my own life. (Not in terms of evolution, that was merely a bit of trivia for you all, so this blog entry doesn’t make you stupider. Which, frankly, is always a risk if you are reading something I have written…) My hypothesis is that it doesn’t matter how much I accomplish in one day, I don’t get anywhere.

I have stacks and piles and lists of projects and things that need my attention. I work on them constantly, but I never feel like I am winning the project war. To paraphrase: I run all that I can to keep in the same place. Am I alone here?

I would take more time to rant, but that isn’t running…

It's ALIIIIVE!!!!

Tuesday morning started like any other day. I got up early, started a family DVD copying on my computer and I went off to do some yard work. When I got back in, I noticed that my computer had frozen. I tried shutting it down properly, but I was severely stuck so I had to hard shut it down. This happens from time, to time, so I wasn’t so worried.

But it wouldn’t start back up again. I pressed the button over and over, and there was no response. Only a small double orange blink. So, I got out the computer manual and looked up the flashing code. Ice froze my stomach as I learned that that flash meant either a bad power supply unit, or a bad motherboard. The first one I could fix, the latter would be utter disaster. Upon further research, I learned that a bad power supply can fry a motherboard before it goes bad, so it could be both.

Fingers crossed, and prayers going out to the computer gods, I ordered a new power supply. I waited anxiously for my new equipment to arrive, and I ran to the door when the UPS man rang the bell. Luckily, after 2 hours – and only half-a-dozen cuts on my hands – my computer, my life and baby, fired up. Oh, the relief I feel now…

I would like to send my thanks out to PC Power and Supply for having in-stock the equipment I needed, and for giving me free shipping. I thank my family, for putting up with my bad mood for the last several days while I fretted about the future of my expensive investment. And finally, I want to thank the computer gods, for seeing fit to grant my computer its resurrection.

Peace, Out!

Dental Hygiene

For a long time now I’ve wondered how much time each day I spend brushing my teeth. This only came up because there are new lines of products for kids to make sure that they spend enough time on this task. I don’t know if you’ve seen them. There are battery operated toothbrushes that vibrate or make music for the 2 minutes that you are supposed to spend. There are also toothpastes that come with flashing lights, and you are supposed to brush as long as the lights flash.

So I wondered, how long do I brush? Well, I couldn’t just set a stop watch and check, because chances are, knowing about the timer would affect the integrity of the experiment. So I waited patiently, until just the right opportunity presented itself. I won’t go into the how’s, just suffice it to say, it was pretty much an accident. However, I learned that I spend 5 minutes brushing my teeth at each setting. This doesn’t include mouthwash or flossing, this is just brushing teeth.

The rest of my family says that I must be OCD about my dental hygiene. My sister tried brushing that long and she had to give up; she said that it hurt her gums. I don’t know about the whole OCD thing, but I have an internal checklist and a process for my proper cleanliness. Maybe I am a freak and I brush way too long, but my teeth are white and silky smooth, so I don’t care what other’s think! Now, I want you all to ask yourselves: How long do you brush?

Bubbles, Bubbles Everywhere

My niece loves to play with bubbles. Ever since she was six months old she loved to pop them. But when we got new carpet, she was no longer allowed to blow bubbles at Grandma’s house. We really didn’t want the bubble goo all over the new off-white carpet. Primarily because it would attract and hold on to dirt. Go figure, why would soap hold onto the dirt. But then I guess that is its job, it holds on to the dirt and then you wash them off together.

But I digress. We decided to do Ultimate Bubbles outside. I mixed up a little kid’s swimming pool with homemade bubble solution and we had a blast. I put a chair in the swimming pool and my niece would stand on it, then I used a hula-hoop to pull a bubble all around her. She thought that was great. In addition we had tons of bubble wands and blowers. She was a little confused as to why she couldn’t pop the bubbles after she had been dipping her hands in the bubble pool. But, she’s only two years old, the principles of physics and bubble popping would have been a bit too advanced for her, so I didn’t explain.

So if you are ever sitting around with a kiddie pool, a hula hoop and the makings for bubble juice (I know that I’m always in that situation), I highly recommend this activity.

A New Computer...

So I've spent the week preparing a laptop for my Grandfather. His last one died (well, the monitor did) and since it would cost half as much to fix the old one as it would for a new one, he opted for the new option. The problem is...I don't want to give it to him. I like the computer too much. He allowed me to pick all the options and software, so I was able to build it to the specifications I would want myself. It's going to break my heart to have to give it up. Maybe I could go on the run...

Then again, it may not be worth going on the lam for a single laptop.

TIMBER!!!

My brother recently cut down some trees for a neighbor. I was there to provide the “adult” supervision. Yeah, my brother is far more mature than me, but I guess if the tree fell on his head, someone would need to be there to laugh at him.

What is it with boys and their toys? My bro was extremely excited for this project so that he could use the chainsaw. I don’t really get it.

The Giants Win the...Game!

I was recently in the great state of California for a family wedding. I took the opportunity to go watch the Giants play the Dodgers. This is 50 year old rivaly, so the tension was in the air. The Giants are not a great team this year, in fact, they likely won't even make the playoffs. But, root, root, root, for the hometeam, because they won. It was great! They were down by one until the bottom of the ninth with they got 2 runs, that's it, end of game! Way to end! I was disappointed, no one hit a homerun. (I saw 4 last year when I was able to go to a Padre's game) Oh well, I guess not everyone can hit it way out.

I'm glad that some company was giving out sunscreen samples, I figured since the game was in San Francisco, I wouldn't have to worry about the sun. You know, it's always foggy there, but the one day that I'm going to be sitting out in the sun for hours...

By-the-way, it was free hat day. The first 20,000 fans in the stadium got a free Giants hat. They were actually quite nice. (Mine helped keep the sun off my face, too!)

M..M..M..My Tomato

This is my tomato. Why won’t he turn red? I’ve been watching him for 3 weeks now. He hasn’t gotten any bigger, but he hasn’t gotten any redder either. He seems to be content, watching the world from his little green perch. Perhaps he knows his fate. I will make him into my first tomato sandwich of the year. There really is nothing like a fresh grown tomato, still warm from the summer sun, placed on a slice of fresh bread, with a little mayonnaise, and a dash of salt and pepper. Oh, my little tomato….TURN RED ALREADY!!!

Chocolate Shot Glasses

I’ve often seen advertisements for little chocolate shot glasses. While I don’t drink, I thought that these cups would be a great way to serve chocolate mousse or fresh berries. I was able to find some chocolate molds for cordial cups at our local craft store, so I decided to give them a try. They turned out great! (Yes, I took this picture) I made the cups, and they were very easy to make. Then I filled them with a white chocolate mousse and I sprinkled them with a little bit of chocolate gratings. Then I made a raspberry sauce (with fresh raspberries that I grew and picked myself), which I drizzled on the plate and then drizzled on the cups themselves. I’ll definitely keep these in mind next time I throw a baby or wedding shower.

The Boredom Begins!

Have you ever wished that you could quit your job (or school) and spend your days working on the long list of projects that you have created? I think we all long for this kind of freedom at some point during our days of drudgery. I’m here to tell you that it is not all it is cracked up to be. I have been living this “dream” for quite a while now. I have been unemployed for 5 years and I have been done with school for 2 years. At first it was great. I could sleep in late, stay up late, work on the projects I wanted to work on and do the things I wanted to do. But as the time has gone on, the freedom that I once longed for has become an unceasing nightmare. There is a lack of funds, a lack of creative projects and a lack of new television shows. And so a new blog is created, an attempt to distract myself from the torment that is A Life of Unending Boredom.